I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
