i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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