Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
