Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
