i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We named our party play list daddy issues
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize