Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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