You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Someone signed my nipple.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
