Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
