WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
