should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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