happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
