Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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