hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize