i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize