first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
