just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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