the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
