Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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