after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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