I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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