My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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