genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
