Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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