i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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