Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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