We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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