why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
