At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize