yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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