Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize