i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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