come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
