Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's the barista slut.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
