3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
