she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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