she was so not down for the gang bang
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
