the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize