Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
