Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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