I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
