Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
