just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
