i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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