boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
