I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this is an emotional support booty call
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
