CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
