I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize