I'm jealous of your bromance
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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