So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
