Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
