Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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