he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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