"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
