Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
