The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
