so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
