oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
