I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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