worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
