Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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