Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
