my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this will be a night to untag.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
