You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
