I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
