worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
