My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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