so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
