yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
