another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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