Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
